Posted on Wednesday, 23rd June 2010 by admin
Saturation In Marriage
In Conversation with Bp. Rev. Dr. Paul Gunadi, Ph.D. The following will analyze the problem of saturation is common in a marriage. Please listen and hopefully readers of this summary of frequently asked questions, you will be blessed.
Q: What factors giving rise to the feeling bored or tired it?
A: We are human beings who did have the charm or power of high interested in new things. So, all the things we already have and enjoy for a certain period will lose its appeal. For example, we love our wives because she was beautiful, we loved this man because kegantengan and gentleness. Eventually, it all changed into something ordinary, it is human nature. Something new tends to have a stronger attraction and if already accustomed to that attraction will start to disappear as well. Sometimes, things equal, which we constantly do will make us saturated in these marriages. But actually, there are things we can do to avoid such saturation. For example, a complementary relationship, nourish, invigorate, should compensate for our tendency to feel saturated. So, in other words, marriage is like a balance, an equilibrium in which there must be a balance between two factors. On the one hand, it is a natural human tendency is to feel bored. That’s how our marriage would last forever.
Q: Boredom is closely linked with emotions and feelings, whether arising from boredom and if there are other feelings that do not actually say this-we do not love your spouse anymore?
A: Allegation that often arise, we tend to assume that our partner has changed, no longer as before, his love for us begins to decline. So, basically it’s a wedding needs to be cultivated so strong, that we are a married man’s sense of security. Insecurity tends to make us wonder if she still loves us or not. But security does not inspire us to question things like that. Sense of security is something that needs to be planted and nurtured in the marriage. This automatically associated with feeling loved. There are people who think once loved, will be forever loved. Once loved will forever be loved, these expectations on our spouses. In fact not the case, that love can die, we can not love and can not reverse our partners love us too.
Q: What can we do to nurture the marriage relationship should not be so bored-so or control our lives?
A: We need to build a complementary relationship. We URLs that we are just as empty containers that need to be filled. Actually, we came to the wedding in the hope that our partners will fill us. Although we are an independent person, someone who has healthier but still going through the expectation that our partners will fill us. We expect, FIRST, we can understand our spouse. We are the people who really need the understanding, so we feel a sense of this life. When we live in the midst of people who can not understand, we feel life is not absurd. SECOND, we will feel alone or lonely if no one can really understand us. One of the fundamental things that we expect from our partners is understandable. Occasionally, problems can not be completed on the same day, but if we feel that our partner has understood that we wish to convey, or put forward, we really feel more relieved. Thus, the need to understand it is very important, this is one of a number of other needs. Filling means is to fill basic needs, such as this we feel valuable, loved, and cared for. Thus, marriage can actually avoid the saturation of the wedding co-exist.
Q: What is probably needed is the creativity of husband and wife so that her partner does not get bored?
A: Yes, marriage is something that has two sides which seems paradoxical. We marry because marriage is fulfilling our natures as social human beings, we want the closeness, the intimacy that’s why we got married. Marriage provides the container for meeting the needs of such intimacy. On the other hand, the marriage actually have the opposite side of our nature, that we are indeed people who do not last long with the same thing, since childhood we used to live with the new. Old toys we do not like will we get rid of, we ask for new toys. Now we marry someone we love, but eventually started to have problems, there is a conflict. Love is no longer segemerlap previously, saturation began to emerge. We can not say, “I’m tired, I will keep you and find something new.” That is contrary to the Lord asking, but actually we should admit that in our human nature. Thus, marriage does have side or aspect of a paradox and we must work hard to defend it and fight our humanness. So that we can overcome our human nature which tends to saturation, we must be creative and whose names do not require creativity creativity is very high. We can do it with a walk together, go shopping together, that’s something that can be done by everyone.
Q: What are the signs that usually appear when boredom comes?
A: One sign is that we are quick to feel annoyed with our spouses, for example, when asked by our partner’s why coming home late, we feel disturbed, annoyed, and furious. That is a sign that we are bored or no longer enjoy this relationship, began to feel bored or tired of us, there’s nothing interesting about us as before or may still exist but has been significantly reduced.
Q: Usually, we do not want to admit that we were bored. Even if your spouse asks openly, even though we’re bored, it’s hard to say it, afraid she was offended. How is the solution?
A: Let’s not use the word bored, we went straight to the problem. Because of saturation is identical to the problem, there are things we do not like, actually the point. So, just highlighting the problem, what we hope is not fulfilled, what is the unresolved problem in our relationship, what we do not like about him the constant we must accept, things we must discuss it directly. So finish the problem, not kebosanannya.
Q: In which boredom began to arise, a third person is usually very easy to get in there. How it can be overcome by married couples, where one may or even both, is being plagued by boredom?
A: To quote one part of the word of God that might be the conclusion as well, namely the story of Jesus temptation in the wilderness. Told by the tempter or devil in our Lord, recorded at Matthew 4:3, “If thou be the Son of God, command that these stones become bread.” But Jesus answered, “It is written, Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God.” Jesus our Lord is certainly in a big problem, ie do not eat after 40 days and 40 nights fasting. The fastest shortcut is ordered or turn stones into bread, and he could do it. But the Lord Jesus here gives a long way out which is more like that was not cursory, that entrust this life problems, the difficulties of this life to God. Because that is more important than this shortcut is obeying God’s commands itself. So, He says that’s more important is that every word that proceeds from the mouth of God himself. Those who are experiencing boredom, boredom, the temptation to taste a larger outside, and it’s enormous shortcuts that will cure our boredom, will brighten our lives, but the problem was not out of the mouth of God, came out of the mouth of the Satan. Pentingkanlah advice of the Lord is coming from the mouth of God, it’s way more shortcuts, but it was out of the mouth of the devil. God may be more long road but out of the mouth of God himself.
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